Fullmetal Fowl
by Regaime Seishi
Summary: A dusty book opens the door to a new hope. Ed and AL descover how to transport themselves with alchemy. however, they don't exactly end up in the right place. where they DO end up throws them into another epic adventure. fullmetal and artemis fowl xover.
1. A Lead

A/n- hello everybody! This is a fic I've had for a loooong time. It was inevitably flawed, but now that I've started revising it, I believe it's time for the debut. Hope you enjoy!! By the way, the concept of transportation circles comes from FMA game 2. I use it here and I use it in my other fic, Scry For You. It was a good, unexploited idea that I ended up exploiting. Again, enjoy. And reply please!!

Chapter 1- A Lead

"Hey Alphonse, take a look at this one!"

Ed passed a thick, leather bound book to his younger brother with an excitement Al hadn't seen in a week of searching through the central library. He took the book firmly, wishing he could feel the smooth cover and smell the musty odor he remembered from so long ago. Now it seemed like those memories were fading, just like the words in this particular book.

"Transportation Circles by Arlen…I can't make out the last name," Al noted.

"That doesn't matter, the title does," Edward explained with bright eyes, "At first I thought it was a misspelling, but the book _really is_ about using transmutation circles to transport to different places. The way this Arlen guy describes it, you can transport anywhere if you could get the calculations right and knew the place existed."

"That means we could get inside the gate if we wanted!" Al finished eagerly, as his understanding collided together.

"If we can get the calculations right," reminded his brother, getting up and stretching, "I'm going to get some paper and ink so I can make a copy the book. After that we can start dissecting its secrets."

The Fullmetal Alchemist smiled mischievously, leaving Al flipping through the pages.

He returned a short while later, easily copying the book by transmuting the words in it onto the paper with alchemy. In fact, the newest copy was easier to read since it wasn't faded, so Ed ended up making a second copy. After that, all that was left to do was research.


	2. An Unexpected Detour

Chapter 2- An Unexpected Detour

Ed closed his copy of the book and placed it on the desk in front of him with a sigh. A week had passed since they'd started on this new lead and the progress was slow.

"This is gonna take forever," he complained aloud, frowning.

Al looked up from where he was reading and set down his pencil, seeming to agree with his brother by the wistful tone of his next words.

"We just have to be patient, Niisan," he said.

The elder Elric nodded, then opened the book with new vigor; he was determined to see this through.

Perhaps two more days had passed when Ed got called in to see the Colonel. The Fullmetal Alchemist wasn't exactly sure how long it'd been, since he was constantly locked up in his and Al's dorm. He hadn't seen daylight for about a week now, and only broke his concentration to order food from the mess hall. Somehow, Roy knew all of this.

"What day is it, Fullmetal?" the Flame asked with a hint of annoyance in his voice as the alchemist sank heavily into the couch.

"Huh? What kind of crackpot question is that? You high or something?" Ed retorted, continuing as his annoyance grew, "You interrupted me to ask me _that_? Go look at a freaking calendar!"

"Do you know the answer or not?" Roy asked, in a tone that threatened an ultimatum.

"It's…Wednesday, isn't it?" Ed guessed.

"No, it's Monday," Mustang corrected, seeming disappointed, "How long do you intend to confine yourself in that room? I can't just give you free reign all the time, you know, I have to give you missions at some point or the higher ups will be nipping at my heels. Don't forget—you're a dog of the military and that's what you serve. You don't _get_ to pick your agenda, you do as you're told!" the Colonel lectured.

The Flame Alchemist's frown grew as his subordinate arrogantly waved off his words.

"Give me a break. Since when do I listen to _you_?" Ed replied, pointing his eyes skyward.

"That's the problem. You _don't_. Now, I'm sending you on a mission whether you _want to _or not. Before you refuse, keep in mind that I still have your secret in my back pocket."

Ed glared at the man in front of him, an icy hatred instantly consuming him as soon as Roy mentioned his secret. He couldn't _stand it_ when he was threatened with something so important to him. And yet, he didn't have the courage to test Mustang on the subject; it was too fragile.

"So, what's this mission anyway?" he asked, swallowing his pride.

"That wasn't too hard, was it?" Mustang prompted; Ed merely glared at him so he continued, "Very well, your assignment is to go to Aquroya and meet up with Psiren. Apparently she has something you might be interested in."

Confusion flitted across Edward's brow. Psiren? What could _she _possibly have?

"Wait, how did you know about this?" Ed replied as this thought hit him.

"Well, since you weren't checking your mail…"

"You went through my mail!!"

"Calm down. I merely sifted through it. This particular message got my attention though."

Mustang held out a ripped envelope to the boy in front of him, a slight smirk on his face. Ed snatched it from him, hurriedly reading it aloud.

"_Dearest Edward_. Give me a break—Dearest?" Ed shook his head and continued, "_I have recently liberated a piece of art that may interest you. This item is said to hold great power, which I presume is equivalent to the Philosopher's Stone. There is a pair of people after it though, so you may want to hurry. P.S. It's going to cost you._"

"Is that good enough for you?" Roy asked snidely.

"When can I leave?" Ed replied seriously, ignoring the jibe.

"We're leaving!" came Alphonse's protesting voice, "How can you do that brother? We're so _close_!"

"Even if we can get behind the Gate, we still need a power source to keep us in one piece. We may be able to get a safe ride this way," Edward explained.

Al sighed, hanging his steel head and staring at the floor. He knew Ed was right, but he hated leaving in the middle of a research project.

"Alright," he agreed finally, "let's go."

A/n- hope you enjoyed that minne; sorry the chapters are so short. I'm trying to make them longer, honest! And in case any of u are fans of Scry, …I'm getting there. Another chapter IS on the way. But school's been rough and this particular fic has been bugging me for forever and a millennium. So I decided to put my mind at rest. After this I'll be able to concentrate better, promise! For all and the rest of you, reply please!!!


	3. Scrounging for Knowledge

A/n- so, this is going to sound confusing in the beginning but I want you all to know that the reason I put this little piece in here was because I wanted to give the fic a sense of…failure before I sent Ed and Al on their little, otherworldly adventure. If you want to know more about the feather they mention, check out _Smile for Real_. I most times put small connections between my stories to…keep things unique. For me. hope you enjoy!! And for all of you asking, yes this is an Artemis Fowl crossover.

Chapter 3- Scrounging for Knowledge

It was two weeks later that the brothers returned from their small adventure, tired and disappointed. However, both were glad to get back to work, even if they _didn't_ have a way to cross behind the Gate without paying the toll.

"This would be a lot easier with the feather," Ed commented as he set down his book to stretch.

The piece of art Psiren had told them about was entitled the _Legendary Feather_, but it turned out they were too late; the people after it had got there before them. Ed and Al were forced to return, resolve broken, hopes drowned, and explain it all to the cocky face of that damn Flame Alchemist.

"Brother, we've read and reread this book a thousand times. There aren't any more books like it either. When are we going to start forming a hypothesis?" Al asked impatiently.

"Soon," his brother answered, "In fact, we can start now. You're right—we already know as much as we're going to on the subject. It's time to start putting our knowledge to the test, so to speak."

Half of a month passed in which the brothers performed basic calculations and sent small items to the other side of the room. It wasn't hard, per say, because distance and size were factors in the equations and added to the complexity of the transmutation circle, but every piece had to be precise. It was nerve-racking because if one line was a little curved or one angle was off by half a degree, well, lets just say they never found some of the items they sent.

In addition to sending things, days were spent calculating the basic structure of themselves. The Elric brothers had to apply all they knew of the anatomy of themselves and human composition to draw the foundation for the transmutation circle. Finally they were able to get this so precise, that if a complete stranger walked up able to understand alchemic and geometric symbols, they could draw a portrait of Ed and Al without ever meeting them.

It was time to move on to the more difficult transportations, Ed decided one day after another successful short-distanced experiment. It was perfect timing too, because the brothers had agreed to attend the Christmas festivities with the Rockbell family. Just before they left, the boys sent a little present.

Perhaps the first sign of the experiment being a success was the wrench that connected with Edward's head as soon as he knocked on the Rockbell door.

"ED IF YOU EVER DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT AGAIN I SWEAR I WILL MURDER YOU!!!" Winry threatened as she next threw the remote to the electric car Ed had decided to send her and succeeded in knocking out her favorite pint-sized alchemist.

Ed found out later, after awaking with a major headache, that the experiment had worked. The remote controlled car they had sent nearly gave Aunt Pinako a heart attack when it burst out of nowhere in a flash of blue light. Although she was angry, Winry couldn't help laughing about the incident.

The Elrics soon started on another trial to send a cake and fruit basket to the Hughes' for Elicia's fifth birthday. Apparently it didn't end up in quite the right place, as they learned when they visited there next. Gracia had found the package a week later under the hedges by following the smell.

However, the biggest accomplishment was about to be made. Ed had found an old tabby cat that was stricken with disease in a back alley and was now finishing the transportation circle to send it to Mustang's office in East Headquarters. However, he knew Al wouldn't agree to put the thing's life in jeopardy, so he didn't tell him until it was already done.

Al had obviously been upset and no matter how many times Ed tried to assure him the thing was about to die anyway and that they had needed a live specie to test their skill, he refused to talk to his older brother for endangering the poor creature's life. A few days later, the silence was broken when they arrived in East City and made their way to the dorms.

"EDWARD ELRIC, PLEASE REPORT TO COLONEL MUSTANG'S OFFICE," came the secretary's voice over the loudspeaker.

"There, see Al? The Colonel wouldn't page me unless he was really pissed off. The cat's fine—you'll see."

However, the younger Elric still held his tongue until he heard the angry call from the Colonel from the other side of his office door, threatening to fire Ed if the "little runt ever did something like that again!"

A/n- hope you found that as amusing as I did. I can just imagine Roy with an old tabby on his head. Lol. So things will heat up in the chapters to come. Promise. Things get interesting with Arty in the picture (they always do).


	4. Ready, Steady, Go!

A/n- so the chapter where they meet arty is here!! ENJOY!! Oh, and reviews are appreciated, not trying to be pushy but…this fic is obviously not as good as others I've done (well I started it so long ago…like, 2 years ago and then rediscovered it) so I'm not entirely sure I'll be finishing it. unless you peeps change my mind!!

Chapter 4- Ready, Steady, Go!

And so, three months of hard work, slight disappointments, accomplishments, and some fun all came down to this moment. Alphonse and Edward were now putting the finishing touches on their transportation circle; the most crucial part. If one line was out of place, they could end up dying and or getting lost in limbo.

Ed stood up and stretched the fatigue from his limbs, watching tiredly as Al rose effortlessly and spoke.

"Do you think it'll work?" his younger brother asked in his soft yet adorable high-pitched voice.

"It'll work for sure, but whether or not we'll come out alive or disfigured in an unknown universe is a different question," Ed replied with worry hidden in his humor, "Although I doubt we can get anymore disfigured..."

Though his eyes felt like lead balls, he checked the circle once more, focusing mainly on the part of the equation referring to Al's soul seal. It was the most important part; for one he was transporting an already complex transmutation circle, and sending the little brother he loved and lived for to who knew where. He had already explained this to Al, about the risks and how it might not work, but it was inevitable to try to convince the younger Elric to stay. Al insisted on going in fear he'd never see his older brother again, and Edward hadn't the heart to possibly abandon him.

"I think it's right," Edward concluded at last, his voice exhausted with thinking of all the scenarios that could go wrong and the promises he made to Winry, Pinako, Maes, Ross, and even Mustang to come back in one piece.

"Let's call it a night brother," Al suggested, his voice sounding weary even though it was physically impossible, "The circle's not going anywhere; we can go tomorrow."

"Yeah," Ed agreed with a half-hearted smile, climbing into the bed at the far side of the room. He watched sleepily as Al sat down at the foot of the bed so that only the top of his helmet was visible. A few seconds later it melted into darkness as he fell into a deep sleep filled with anticipation.

The Elric brothers stood over the transmutation circle with an air of hesitation. It was really hard to say, "let's go," in a happy preppy voice when you were deathly afraid of where you'd end up.

"Niisan…?" Alphonse said at last, armored face expressionless as always as he looked at Edward's furrowed brow.

"I know Al, we should get started," he replied, walking into the middle of the circle with a pen in his left hand and Al by his side.

He knelt down to the small piece located there that kept the circle disconnected. This was to ensure they wouldn't be transported by accident when they had drawn it. Edward put the pen to the ground and hesitated again, looking up to his younger brother.

"I love you Al," he said, "and I'm going to fulfill my promise to get you back to normal. I'll meet you on the other side."

"Me too Brother, " came the soft reply as the circle connected and a great blue light filled the room. Ed felt his body disintegrate and he screamed out in pain. For a fleeting moment the fear of the situation overwhelmed him before he lost consciousness.

Edward was filled with a consuming sickness in his stomach when he began to wake up. He could hear Al's frantic voice calling his name, but it was feint, like he was miles away. Cringing, he squeezed his eyes tighter shut to clear his mind and focus on this noise, and then opened them slowly to meet Alphonse kneeling next to him. The younger brother quieted now that Ed had awakened.

He was lying on an elaborate marble floor in an open room that smelt and looked like money. A heavy door with a wide and detailed frame and crystal windows was at the head of the room, which seemed to be a foyer only it was as big as the mess hall in East city. An oak staircase climbed up the far wall and seemed to continue for at least three more floors. Various other doors of the same fancy pattern led to unknown places.

With a groan, Ed sat up and took in his surroundings, noting with some obviousness this was not the Gate, but that him and Al were okay and in one piece so it really didn't matter.

"You're okay Al, right?" he asked just to be sure, knowing that he himself felt like throwing up. In fact…

"Ed!? Are you okay!?" Al cried in worry as Ed lost it. Coughing, Ed nodded, repeating his previous question again.

"Yah, I'm okay," Al assured him, "But are you sure…?"

"I think I just needed a release," he replied standing with a little struggle, "I feel fine now."

Al stood near him, not quite believing his brother was feeling better until Ed assured him once more.

"So, where do you think we ended up?" As soon as Ed asked this question, a long silence followed.

"It looks like some rich person's house…no, more like a mansion," Al replied, looking around.

"I must have made a miscalculation…" Ed mumbled, downcast.

"Brother, if a miscalculation was made, then we both did it."

Ed shook his head slightly and thought over the transmutation circle once more, but the fact he couldn't figure out what went wrong frustrated him endlessly.

"Damn," he cursed.

"Niisan, it can't be helped so why don't we figure out where we are?" Silence ensued again, giving the house an eerie aura in its undying quiet.

"Hel-lo-o! Is anyone here!?" Ed called, creating an echo in the process.

"We're sorry if we're intruding but we just accidentally ended up here!" Al added.

"Ok…I guess there's no one here…" Edward frowned, making his way over to the staircase and up the stairs.

"Ed! We can't just walk around!!" Al blurted at his brother's total disregard of etiquette, following him to the second floor and stopping as Ed halted abruptly.

"Do you hear music?" Edward asked, receiving a nod from Al. Sure enough, a soft piano melody floated faintly in the air, seeming to come from the door at the end of the hall.

"So maybe someone's here after all," Al stated.

"Good, let's go figure all this out. Hopefully whoever's here isn't hostile and can speak our language."

Ed started striding to the door, stopping at it and knocking forcefully. The only answer was the classical music that continued to play so he knocked again, this time a little harder and using his right hand.

"Niisan!" Al exclaimed nervously, "If you knock any harder you're going to break down the door!"

Ed shrugged as if he didn't care, which he didn't, and tried the doorknob; it was locked. This sent Al into another nervous flurry about Ed's manners. 'He's gonna get us killed some day!' he fretted inside.

"Ok, whoever's in there, I'm coming in!" Ed called through the door, fervently hoping his alchemy still worked in this place as he clapped his hands and touched the knob so it unlocked. Then he simply opened it walked through, a jittery Alphonse behind him.

The room was a study with just as much elegance as the rest of the house. In fact, it reminded Ed of Tucker's mansion so much so that he frowned in displeasure. The weird thing about the room were these metallic looking boxes crammed on various desks, laden with wires and other machine-like items. The boxes had colorful screens, in which a number of foreign languages and pictures were shown. 'Winry would _love_ this place', the two brothers thought simultaneously.

Edward made his way around the weird boxes to the back of the room where the music was coming from. There, a pale faced, raven-haired boy looking about 12 years of age was dozing on a pile of various notebooks with what looked like hieroglyphics and a language unknown to the Elrics, holding a pen in one hand and a small leather book of the same runes in the other. Ed was almost sorry to wake him up…_almost_.

"Hey, wake up," he said, poking the boy in the shoulder. The boy stirred slightly but otherwise remained asleep. "I said wake up damnit!!" he repeated annoyed, poking more forcefully.

This succeeded in waking up the boy, however he wasn't in the best of moods.

"Finally! And I thought you were dead!" Edward exclaimed with a smile.

The boy sat up straight and crossed his arms, his eyes abnormally alert and dangerous for one who just woke up.

"You speak Japanese; I don't believe we've met," the boy stated grimly, "Who are you and how did you manage to break into Fowl Manor? If you're an enemy, be warned; Butler has already been informed of you."

"So this _is_ a mansion then," Ed replied, a bit conceited, "I don't know why it's so foul or anything about this Butler guy, but I'm Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist."

"Niisan, I think Fowl is a name," Al pointed out, sweatdropping at his brother's stupidity, and turning to the boy, "Are you Mr. Fowl, sir?" he asked sweetly.

'An alchemist, interesting,' the boy thought, showing no expression of surprise on his face or in his eyes, "Yes that would be me, Artemis Fowl the II, currently the Master of Fowl Manor."

"Nice to meet you, sir, I'm Alphonse Elric, Ed's younger brother."

"Al, you don't have to call him sir, he's just a kid," Ed told his brother.

"You talk with much authority for one so short," Artemis commented.

"WHO'RE YOU CALLING A SHORT LITTLE KID WHO STILL CRIES TO MOMMY!!?!!" said shorty exploded in rage.

"Pardon me, did I say short? I meant small, minuscule, minute, impish, tiny, microscopic, petite, diminutive, underdeveloped, puny, infinitesimal; need I go on?" Artemis mocked in the same disinterested monotone. Though he didn't show it, he found it amusing to tease such a short temped being.

"For your _information_," Ed steamed, "I'm _16_ years old!!"

"Niisan, please calm down!" Al panicked, wanting to keep the peace.

"As am I," Artemis replied, seeming to ignore the walking armor at the moment. 'Such a young voice for such a large body,' he really thought, 'and unusually hollow as well.'

At this point the door opened; well, to be more exact, it collapsed inward on its hinges with the force applied to it by the massive guard that burst through it.

"Ah Butler, I see you've arrived," Artemis greeted the muscular man who looked as if he could break Alex Armstrong's spine in seconds.

Ed blinked in horror at the sight of this humanoid giant, who seemed to tower over him. Even though he was the same size as Al, the fact that he actually had an intimidating voice and expression to go with his hulking form made Ed shiver.

"Are you alright Master Artemis?" Butler asked, glaring at Alphonse, who sweatdropped, and totally ignoring Ed.

'I guess he figures I'm not a threat,' the shrimp sized alchemist growled inside. Despite his stature, this insult was too much for him to keep his mouth shut.

"Hey grandpa! What's the big idea bursting in here like you're king of the world and totally disregarding me like I'm a WEAK LITTLE MIDGET!!?!!"

"Niisan…" Al groaned in exasperation, sweatdropping again.

"Yes Butler, I am unharmed. There just seems to be a mix up is all. Despite this one's short temper being the only thing taller than himself, these two have shown no acts of hostility," Artemis explained with an amused gleam in his eye that was only detectable to Butler, who having grown up with the boy, couldn't have missed this rare expression. Ed however, was too absorbed in his rage to notice anything, even if the Philosopher's Stone had been dangling in front of his nose.

"WHO'S SO SHORT HIS TEMPER IS TALLER!!?!!" he exploded once more.

"Brother please…calm down so we can explain what happened," Al pleaded. Ed simmered down and nodded, instantaneously becoming serious.

"Right Al, but how are we supposed to explain anything when we don't know what happened ourselves?" Ed pointed out.

"Why don't you start with what you _do_ know," Artemis suggested, although it was more of an order, "As in where you come from, where you were supposed to end up and how you got here?"

"Well…it's sort of a long story but…to sum it up we're from Amestris and were trying to transport ourselves somewhere, only we ended up here," Ed supplied, being careful of what he said.

"I see," Artemis replied, deep in thought; an activity that was for the most part constant, 'He noticeably didn't say where they were trying to get to, or why.' "For that matter," he continued without showing his suspicion, "I had best inform you this is Ireland in the year of 2005."

"Two—two _thousand_!?" Ed stuttered in disbelief, "You mean not only did we transport ourselves halfway around the world, we transported ourselves halfway through the future!?!"

"Actually I believe you've transported yourselves into a different dimension," Artemis corrected, "I have never heard of this country you call Amestris. Likewise you've probably never heard of Ireland."

"Can't say I have…" Edward replied solemnly, "Depressing, isn't it Al?" he added.

"Brother, if this is the future of a different dimension…" hinted Alphonse. Ed immediately understood and brightened.

Though he didn't say anything, the look held enough emotion to pass on what he was thinking. Artemis exchanged a suspicious glance with Butler as they again noticed the deliberate secret keeping.

"Being the host, you are both welcome to stay at Fowl Manor until you find a way home, and you are both welcome to use any resources I have to help," Artemis announced, hiding any emotion once more. Inside however, he was brewing. 'By the time they leave I will have discovered their purpose,' he vowed to himself, 'The only reason I'm letting them stay is because they are intriguing.'

"Sir, are you sure—" Butler started, only to have the boy genius cut him off with a sly smile.

"Yes Butler, I'm sure. They should be gone by the time father and mother return from their trip." He then turned to the Elrics with his normal expressionless face. "Will you step outside for a moment? There are some matters I'd like to discuss with my employee."

Edward nodded and bowed with a sincere "thank you", Al doing the same. This left the criminal mastermind and his avuncular manservant alone.

"Butler, set them up in one of the bugged guest rooms; I want to keep an eye on them," Artemis informed him, receiving a nod.

"Damnit! I can't tell what they're saying!" Edward cursed on the other side of the door where he was attempting to eavesdrop. Key word: attempting. "They're using a different language!"

Moments later, when Butler existed the study, the Fullmetal Alchemist was standing innocently next to his brother.

"This way," Butler directed, leading the Elrics to their room.

They arrived and he showed them in, offering to send up some food. Edward told him yes, but Al politely declined as usual.

A/n- threw some Ed-shorty jibes in there. Couldn't resist. Ehe. Hope you enjoyed it and I hope Arty is smart enough for you (though he didn't have much of a part). Replies are appreciated. Ja Ne!!


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